| Its been a while |
[05 Feb 2005|11:30pm] |
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music |
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Malice Mizer-Color Me Blood Red |
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Well iknow its been a while but i will update every now and then. Things seem to have changed since ive cut all my hair off. Well i am pretty happy with the way my life is going. Im reading Battle Royale its really good. Better than the first manga i read.
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[11 Jan 2005|09:03pm] |
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music |
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Rush-Tom Sawyer |
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Yeah some girl in my lunch likes
me which is a first so me and
justin have to go find her through
this one girl who always talks
about herself and thinks shes the shit.
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[07 Jan 2005|11:11pm] |
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music |
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Black Heart Procession |
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I lost half my music i downloaded. lost all my Rush all my Floyd all prog rock pretty much it sucks i had 13 Rush albums and 11 floyd albums and about 17 other albums im pretty pist i have them on cd but i mean i listen to them on my comp i hate having to find the cds and i think ive lost half of them it sucks. Oh but i fixed my slsk so im downloading the first BHP cd so far its really good.
King Christ, this world is all aleak;
and lifepreservers there are none:
an waves which only He may walk
Who dares to call Himself a man.
-E.E.Cummings
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| Your a lover in my bed and a gun to my head. |
[04 Jan 2005|09:24pm] |
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music |
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cky-shock and terror |
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I've forseen my death.
(I'll be very poor,)
I'm about 40-45
(living in a shitty apt.)
I'll (just) slowly die from
(depression clutching jack
daniels)
whisky
(and)
thus
(i'll
have memiors and other novels without)
ends
(written and scattered everywhere.)
The last Rousson.
(Did i mention i am scared of this coming true.)
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| What makes you think your something special when you smile? |
[02 Jan 2005|10:38pm] |
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music |
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Beatles-Blue Jay Way |
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wow yesterday was great i woke up and did nothing then went to a show with justin i didnt feel like i should have been there because keith and alex couldnt go and it was fhoo's last show and it was my first fhoo show but i knew some of there songs from nobody special days. we got there and it was early so we went to cvs and got some tylenal for justins headache then justin saw someone he knew, Hendrix so he was going out side so we came with him and it was worth it then i enjoyed all that night a lot. I had a good time and enjoy the intense croud it really made the music better. I had fun saying random things like the cell phone that coudl make a pizza. It talks more about it in J's. J spent the night and we just didnt feel good it was rather a drag, we were strung out for a while and were like callin people at 1 and then we just searched the basement and found relief and it was good but then J went crazy and it was enjoyable and then we ended up outside and then i ended up on my half couch which sucked because J took my bed but o well. Today i did nothing like every sunday i was kinda pissed because Michelle couldnt come over because her mom doesnt like me. I wrote her a crazy letter that i dont remember righting but it said on the outside just to give it too her and not read it so its gonna be a funny letter back from her when she responds to it.
Yeah i listend to a lot of Beatles music today and talked online somewhat and watched Beatles anthology and did nothing and cleaned my room but yeah its just a lot of useless garbage that i need to get out. so respond if its worth it to you.
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| Party |
[01 Jan 2005|02:47pm] |
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Holy shit new years eve was crazy, that was so much fun at keiths house. Justin keith and alex sounded pretty good. It was crazy how many people were there people who i wouldnt think would be there it was so much fun then i came home and iddnt get in trouble so all is well oh yeah and i got my haircut.
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[29 Dec 2004|02:54pm] |
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music |
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Pink Floyd-San Tropez |
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Hannah's a Whore.
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| Fun at Nathans |
[12 Dec 2004|09:23pm] |
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music |
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CCR-Fortunate Son |
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Yesterday i woke up after 16 hours of long needed sleep. Screwed around for a while watching movies and i talked to Hannah on the phone. Then around 5 i went to Nathans 16th Bday party. It was a lot of fun a bunch of people were there Nathan had a sweet set up of speakers in his room. It reminded me of how i had it once in my room but well not as well as he had it hes really good at all that technical stuff. I had fun hanging out with everyone we just did whatever for a while and i spent the night along with Patrick and Kevin and Michelle. We sat in the dark with a strobe light going for atleast 2 hours i cant believe that was so amusing but it was. Everyone but Michelle fell asleep around 4 at around 8 she woke me up because her and kevin were leaving. Then i woke up at 1230 and caught a ride home with Patrick. It was a lot of Fun i hope to hang out w/ Nathan more in the future. He got a new kitten and Michelle said name it Juniper and later on we listened to this song called the tussin it was about a robotussin high so then we named it Juniper Robotussin or Ju Robot for short. I guess im the only one that found that funny. After i got home i cleaned up a bit and Hannah came over we just hung out and i talked a lot mostly about the beatles and my records and movies and we watched some of East of Eden and Beatles Anthology. It was fun she went home about 630. Then i ate for the first time that day at around 730, it was good. I edited my video which i have to finish later. then did some hw with Fellowship of the Ring playin on tv, its so long they had to just edit random parts ot make it shorter and they really screwed it up the long meaningful shots are gone it just looks like crap. So i still have hw and have to edit the vid it looks pretty cool. I want to get The Tussin on my comp its such a funny song.
Alright well thats enough for one entry.
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| 24th Anniversery |
[08 Dec 2004|08:06pm] |
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music |
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The Beatles-All You Need Is Love |
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Then this morning I went to the bookstore and bought The Catcher in the Rye. I’m sure the large part of me is Holden Caulfield, who is the main person in the book. The small part of me must be the Devil.
I went to the building. It’s called the Dakota. I stayed there until he came out and asked him to sign my album. At that point my big part won and I wanted to go back to my hotel, but I couldn’t. I waited until he came back. He came in a car. Yoko walked past first and I said hello, I didn’t want to hurt her.
Then John came and looked at me and printed me. I took the gun from my coat pocket and fired at him. I can’t believe I could do that. I just stood there clutching the book. I didn’t want to run away. I don’t know what happened to the gun. I remember Jose kicking it away. Jose was crying and telling me to please leave. I felt so sorry for Jose. Then the police came and told me to put my hands on the wall and cuffed me.
Statement of Mark David Chapman to police at 1 a.m., Dec. 9, 1980, three hours after the murder of John Lennon.
Well its been 24 years since his death and only 2 since ive been a fan. Wow today i think maybe 3 people knew what the day was and may 7 not including teachers that knew who he was. I thought about it and he was only a person but so was jesus right. I think he spread a much better message and reached much more people than jesus did. I know i dont get upset and read the bible every good friday. Ive been listening to beatles songs and some of his albums. I dont want to listen to the radio because they will just play that recording of all the people crying on december 8th, 1980 right after he died. He's dead and thats that i think what he left behind was enough to help me better my life.
I think that i need to start figuring out what im gonna do w/ my life. I want to better people and im quite content knowing that all the great people who brought change were shot down. Lennon,Kennedy,M.L.King Jr.,Ghandi just to name a few. But look at what they did before they were killed and look how many people were affected. I think bettering mankind is worth being killed.
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| Fun |
[06 Dec 2004|08:31pm] |
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music |
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Tom Lehrer-The Folk Song Army |
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Things are alright. I got my haircut but you cant tell, i think it looks nicer. I listened to a lot of beatles, tom lehrer and dylan today. I get my braces off in one month. Well now that thats done lets get down to business.
First we got the bomb, and that was good,
'Cause we love peace and motherhood.
Then Russia got the bomb, but that's okay,
'Cause the balance of power's maintained that way.
Who's next?
France got the bomb, but don't you grieve,
'Cause they're on our side (I believe).
China got the bomb, but have no fears,
They can't wipe us out for at least five years.
Who's next?
Then Indonesia claimed that they
Were gonna get one any day.
South Africa wants two, that's right:
One for the black and one for the white.
Who's next?
Egypt's gonna get one too,
Just to use on you know who.
So Israel's getting tense.
Wants one in self defense.
"The Lord's our shepherd," says the psalm,
But just in case, we better get a bomb.
Who's next?
Luxembourg is next to go,
And (who knows?) maybe Monaco.
We'll try to stay serene and calm
When Alabama gets the bomb.
Who's next?
-Tom Lehrer
Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Tom Lehrer
I found that song great, and that quote is hilarious.
Does anyone else think that Mark Twain is a good story teller but a bad writer. We have to read adventures of Huck Finn and its written badly but a good message so im gonna struggle through it.
Well that was another boring insight into my existance that no one reads.
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| Realization |
[21 Nov 2004|02:00am] |
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music |
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Beethoven-Sonata no.8 in C minor(Pathetique) |
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Today i realized just how beautiful the world is. It really is. Ofcourse when you focus on the bad things look like shit. Thinking on the brightside really brings out the beauty. I think i realized it while listening to beethoven, i mean he didnt ever hear almost of all of his music. He was deaf and missunderstood and never found a soul mate yet he was able to right Ode to Joy. Here i am with a good life many opertunities and complaining when it could be a lot worse. I am now learning piano so i can butcher some of beethovens songs(not intentionally). I think we all need to be more optimistic. Life is not shit unless you make it shit.
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| Poems of the early Greg Rousson |
[20 Nov 2004|01:13am] |
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music |
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U2-Sunday Bloody Sunday |
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These are some poems i wrote this week just feelings on my mind im not going to put a description of what they are to me, eveyone can interperate them for themselves, people on livejournal already judge everyone else so it wouldnt matter if people understood them.
Do you understand the quick foreboding of society?
The newly acquired but fast decline of care in our youth
Our sad song is not new, just reinvented every decade.
I finally understand why we constantly seek the past
The music only sedates the pain,
but when we come down the agony of this generation is worse than before.
Each cut is deeper than the last, each year is further from the past.
I seek refuge in paper and celluloid, in darkness w/ beasts barking insults and falsified testimony.
I look for God and Faith inside of myself and wonder why i can't find it.
If you ever have the chance (if you even exist) please answer my prayers and free me from myself.
-Greg Rousson
Does love have a name?
Is love always factual?
Or is it just at random?
I know the answers to all these questions
But you love
Mr.
Take you for granted
You love Mr.
Nonchalant grabby hands
Mr. Sloppy kiss for benefits
You love the one who never pays for dinner
and doesn’t know the meaning of no
I loved you with out regret
Spending my time on a lost cause
I knew the details
The tickle spots and the funny bones
I asked for a chance I asked for some sympathy
I was constantly shot down
All in all loving you was worth the hurt
-Greg Rousson
well thats all i have this last one was about a girl she knows who she is.
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| Long Time |
[17 Nov 2004|10:31pm] |
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Chopin - waltz op.64 no.2 in c-sharp minor |
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The assassin's bullet
Marries the King
Dissembling miles of air
To kiss the crown.
The Prince rambles in blood.
Ode to the neck
That was groomed
For rape's gown.
-Jim Morrison
Well its been a long hell of a time since ive updated i switched back to lakeland because of the fact that school was only a littl better than lakeland but it cost 10,000 a year so i can deal with free lakeland more than 10,000 model. Well since ive been back ive actually been in a real good mood. Schools been ok. At my friend Patricks birthday party i spent the night and so did Michelle so we got to stay up all night and talk it was wonderful. She must have gotten pissed at me 20 times and then went right back to loving me. I love Michelle shes so cool. Basically we talked about everything nothing was unexplored. I finally made another film. This one is a silent film. Its actually pretty good. I dont want to be a vegetarian any more i started because my ex girlfriend got me into it and now i dont know why i still am, routine i guess but is been such a long while since ive eaten meat during which time vegetarianism has been the new "in/cool" thing to do so i feel like its my obligation to give it up. But i need some sort of ceremony for me to eat some sort of dead animal except pork i didnt eat pork even when i ate meat. Well i guess im searching for a woman thats what michelle tells me. she says i cant like her so i need to find another woman and im open to that. I got a look ive never recieved before today. there was a new girl that i saw in lunch and she was talking to justin and i walked up and she looked at me and it wasnt in a disgusted manor nor was it an approving manor it was just in such a way that showed her comfort of my appearence. by the way im about 5'2" with short hair holister clothing and doc martins. HAHAHA. Man i need to read more Kurt Vonnegut i read slaughterhouse 5, and breakfast of champions which i loved and read half of cats cradle and just now found all my vonnegut again so im finishing cats cradle. Im gonna start using some stuff from cats cradle like a cats cradle is like with string or yarn its just a design you make iwth the yarn between your two hands. It by the way does not resemble a cat or a cradle so in the book when every something is said that isnt there they say see the cat? see the cradle? so lets say some dumb girl yaps on about her perfect relationship i say yep see the cat? see the cradle? or wow i love god religion is perfect it fulfills me and i say see the cat? see the cradle? well you get the idea next up is probably deadeye dick. Well im failing most my classes this marking period but im ok about it ill do good next marking period. i found the greatest thing a while back like when i was in california, i found all nine of beethovens symphonies on vinyl for a dollar and ive been religiously listening to them along with my chopin i pirated.
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| Model thats right, atleast thats where im headed. |
[31 Oct 2004|03:49am] |
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Black Sabbath-Sweet Leaf |
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Well on friday i went with Jessie B to Model HS to visit and see exactly what it was. Well it was amazing. They have block scheduling which is so much better than lakelands regular scheduling. First hour they told me to pick a subject i was interested in so i naturally said Film. I went down to the film room and sat in the teacher Jeff is so cool he knows a lot about film and seemed to like me( i saw him later in the day he still remembered who i was and told me he could tell that i would go far in his class), well they watched a film naturally and guess what it was, Memento, one of my favorite films. He had a Metropolis film poster and a Cabinet of Dr.Caligari poster on his wall God Fucking Yes, im sorry but it makes me so happy. Next we drove to Lahser and it was pottery which ive never done, it wasnt that bad i dont think im going to take it but it was ok. We watched a nightmare before christmas in that class too it was pretty groovy. After 2 hours of pottery i got subway and went back to Model. There i ate the lunch it was cool because it wasnt like the students and teachers were seperated by this wall of authority. Kids that chose to sit and ate with the teachers and most of them answer to there first name it was great. They have the coolest thing in the front room of model is this large indent in the floor where there are couches type things and you can just sit there in your spare time and read. We went to her computer class last of the hours. The teacher is just an old hippy. the class was just digital photography and editing videos. It was fun. All the kids at Model and Lahser were amazing. They were all friendly and all seemed nice. No one was better or acted better than anyone else. Its much more diverse than lakeland which makes it nice knowing that there is more than just white people in the world. My mom talked to mrs.Bennett and she said that because i liked Model so much it would be best for me to switch as soon as possible because if we wait for the semester change im just going to be miserable at lakeland and not try and fail all my classes. So i talked it over with my parents and we are going in on tuesday to transfer me. I hopefully get to start on wednesday. Im so happy. Now at lakeland all my friends are gone anyway my friend justin has a girlfriend he is infatuated with, michelle never seems to want to hang out and me and chelsea never see eachother just talk online. Most people at lakeland are stupid fake narrowminded and superficial its horrible. All i hear all day are people being judged by there outward appearence its such bullshit im so glad im getting the fuck away from that god forsaken school. So monday is my last day at lakeland ill say my good byes and never look back. I really am interested in learning i would like to learn, at lakeland the only things that i learn are things that i look up in books or on the interent or in films on my own time i never learn anything there. Im so happy i have a bunch of bullshit projects that i will not have to do. Wow yeah now i started the Beautiful and the Damned its good. I know that i still have friends at lakeland but i would like to see what a year at Model will do. I need to keep a good inside friend to see how much shit is talked about me. I find it so funny and interesting to here the things people dont have the guts to say to my face. They never seem to have an effect on me. But i enjoy a laugh.
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| The Reincarnation of the Lost Generation |
[28 Oct 2004|07:32pm] |
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As an endless dream it went on; the spirit of the past brooding over a new generation, the chosen youth from the muddled, unchastened world, still fed romantically on the mistakes and half forgotten dreams of dead statesmen and poets. Here was a new generation, shouting the old cries, learning the old creeds, through a revery of long days and nights; destined finally to go out into that dirty gray turmoil to follow love and pride; a new generation dedicated more than the last to the fear of poverty and the worship of success; grown up to find all Gods dead, all wars fought, all faiths in man shaken-F.Scott Fitzgerald (This Side of Paradise)
This was written in 1920 from a true poet of the Lost Generation, strange it sounds so much like our generation. Reading things like this reminds me of just how bad it is growing up in this day and age but it also gives me reassurence in that there are others like me even decades later. Reading and Films seem to be the only outlet i have besides music to get me through 2004. I know that it isnt as bad as it could be but come on it is pretty shitty. Thats why i have aptly(atleast i think so) named my generation The Reincarnation of the Lost Generation.
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| Confessions of the Young and the Damned |
[22 Oct 2004|04:52pm] |
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(Me) BlackLovecraft: eh theres nothing for me to do and i need to leave the house
BlackLovecraft (4:04:05 PM): if you would like to hang out outside of my house id love that
(her)oh cliche (4:04:15 PM): what do you want to do
BlackLovecraft (4:04:19 PM): anything
BlackLovecraft (4:04:22 PM): everything
oh cliche (4:04:26 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:04:33 PM): i dont know im kinda in a mood to sit and be anry
oh cliche (4:04:35 PM): angry*
BlackLovecraft (4:05:05 PM): thats never good
oh cliche (4:05:41 PM): i guess
oh cliche (4:06:02 PM): ****'s just making me mad. he refuses to drive to see me this weekend.
oh cliche (4:07:10 PM): hes like you come here, and he knows how risky that is for me and im just tired of being in trouble and getting yelled at and hes like just stop listening and caring what she says and i want to but it still scares me even though im already banned from everything. but hes like well ill come during the week next week which is risky because what if my dad comes home early and stuff and i get caught with that i mean yeah i want to be cause wed be alone and everything but its still so scary and ughhhh
BlackLovecraft (4:08:00 PM): now that its over and done with you know you dont have to do it every opertunity you get
oh cliche (4:08:45 PM): ...?
oh cliche (4:08:53 PM): you think thats all i care about dont you
BlackLovecraft (4:09:10 PM): no
BlackLovecraft (4:09:17 PM): im just saying i know what its like just not with sex
oh cliche (4:09:52 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:10:07 PM): but i want him to come tonight even though we probably cant have sex
oh cliche (4:10:09 PM): but he wont
BlackLovecraft (4:10:29 PM): if you promise him sex he might
oh cliche (4:11:19 PM): hes not like that
oh cliche (4:11:33 PM): he didnt want to have sex again until i was on birth control for a month
oh cliche (4:11:37 PM): but i told him that was dumb
BlackLovecraft (4:11:53 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:12:38 PM): sex seems like a chore to please our sex crazed minds like its all for rebellion just likes drugs
oh cliche (4:13:05 PM): no not really
oh cliche (4:13:10 PM): its not a chore at all
BlackLovecraft (4:13:29 PM): well its like
BlackLovecraft (4:13:34 PM): its hard to explain
oh cliche (4:14:17 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:17:04 PM): i wish i had my license
BlackLovecraft (4:17:10 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:18:54 PM): we all seem to just fill our useless lives with gaps of short pleasure to cover up the fact that we all hurt and cant loosen the hurt not with fists words or razors
BlackLovecraft (4:20:44 PM): Sex and Drugs there all the same all just filler
oh cliche (4:21:22 PM): i dont believe that
oh cliche (4:21:27 PM): i think promiscuous sex and drugs are
oh cliche (4:21:30 PM): not sex in general
oh cliche (4:21:37 PM): you cant judge something that youve never done
BlackLovecraft (4:21:51 PM): well sex is sex
BlackLovecraft (4:21:55 PM): love is love
BlackLovecraft (4:21:57 PM): sex isnt love
oh cliche (4:22:03 PM): not if its with thte right person
BlackLovecraft (4:23:25 PM): love is emotions and love is words love is not sex
BlackLovecraft (4:23:33 PM): like a penis is a key
BlackLovecraft (4:23:45 PM): just because it fits the gap doesnt make it love
BlackLovecraft (4:24:01 PM): when it all comes down to it were all just filler
oh cliche (4:24:01 PM): no
oh cliche (4:24:06 PM): ok fine
oh cliche (4:24:10 PM): i dont even want to debate
oh cliche (4:24:13 PM): its all pointless
oh cliche (4:24:20 PM): because one day we'll all end up dead
oh cliche (4:24:30 PM): and i hope that day is sooner rather than later
BlackLovecraft (4:25:13 PM): whether we spend our time here tripping or screwing or debating or cooking or killing or doing absolutly nothing its all just filler until you connect with the person inside you your just a robot and the world is your movie set
oh cliche (4:25:45 PM): yeah yeah yeah''
oh cliche (4:26:03 PM): i want to sit on my porch and smoke
oh cliche (4:26:15 PM): you know whats funny i know exactly what i want out of life.
oh cliche (4:27:25 PM): i could tell you exactly what i want in a paragraph.
BlackLovecraft (4:28:10 PM): do it
oh cliche (4:28:45 PM): starting from now and until i die?
BlackLovecraft (4:28:56 PM): what ever you choose
oh cliche (4:29:13 PM): okay
oh cliche (4:30:33 PM): i want to stop being afraid of consequences my mother will bring upon me and live life how i want it so im happy. im tired of living in fear of what she
oh cliche (4:30:36 PM): 'll think.
oh cliche (4:30:58 PM): i want to make it through highschool with a few close friends. i want to graduate and get into michigan state.
oh cliche (4:33:11 PM): i want to wake up on my 18th birthday next to **** and be proposed to like we planned months ago. i want to graduate with a degree in elementary education and move away from michigan. to a state that has a city, but was close enough to the suburbs so that when i had kids they could have a yard to play in. when we could, wed buy a house, not too big, one story. a big enough yard to play in but not too huge. id want one kid. maybe two. a boy and a girl, or two girls.
oh cliche (4:33:21 PM): id want to get a steady job as a kindergarten teacher
oh cliche (4:33:28 PM): and **** have a steady job at a hospital
oh cliche (4:33:40 PM): i want to finally have a decent relationship with my mother
BlackLovecraft (4:33:59 PM): thats a great dream
oh cliche (4:33:59 PM): i want to travel
oh cliche (4:34:15 PM): why do you say it like that
BlackLovecraft (4:34:32 PM): the disturbing reality that we cant plan the future
oh cliche (4:34:41 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:45 PM): nor live in the past
oh cliche (4:34:52 PM): yeah
BlackLovecraft (4:34:55 PM): only day to day moment to moment
oh cliche (4:35:07 PM): i hate that
BlackLovecraft (4:35:19 PM): everyone does
oh cliche (4:35:54 PM): im so tired of everything. of being where i am. im bored and frustrated and i want to move on.
BlackLovecraft (4:36:03 PM): we all are
BlackLovecraft (4:36:19 PM): me and j***** keep planning on running away when i turn 17
BlackLovecraft (4:36:31 PM): you can legally leave when you are 17
oh cliche (4:36:38 PM): yeah i know that was my plan too
oh cliche (4:36:43 PM): but thats probably not going to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:36:52 PM): it wont happen
BlackLovecraft (4:37:00 PM): its the small shread of hope we have
BlackLovecraft (4:37:23 PM): just packing up the bus and travelling to san fransisco
oh cliche (4:37:30 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:38:14 PM): can i ask you something about **** and i if i promise i wont get mad at your opinion at all
BlackLovecraft (4:38:45 PM): ok
oh cliche (4:39:07 PM): after everything he and i have been through how long would you estimate wed make it
BlackLovecraft (4:39:27 PM): 10 percent
BlackLovecraft (4:39:41 PM): which is about 50 times more of a chance then anyone else
oh cliche (4:39:50 PM): so thats good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:39:56 PM): i guess
BlackLovecraft (4:40:06 PM): its never good odds
BlackLovecraft (4:40:12 PM): its about defying the odds
oh cliche (4:40:18 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:40:24 PM): sometimes i think we wont.
BlackLovecraft (4:40:36 PM): doubt just lowers your chance
oh cliche (4:40:46 PM): i just think he;ll get sick of me.
BlackLovecraft (4:41:10 PM): theres no such thing if your in Love
oh cliche (4:41:26 PM): people fall out of love
oh cliche (4:41:35 PM): or people think theyre in love when theyre not..
BlackLovecraft (4:41:40 PM): its by lack of care
BlackLovecraft (4:41:47 PM): thats the thing about love
oh cliche (4:41:48 PM): thats how divorces happen
BlackLovecraft (4:41:55 PM): there is no one definition of it
BlackLovecraft (4:42:08 PM): everyone defines Love differently
oh cliche (4:42:19 PM): wanna know my definition
BlackLovecraft (4:42:25 PM): yes i do
oh cliche (4:42:26 PM): then you tell me yours
oh cliche (4:42:43 PM): i think love is knowing that youd do anything for that person, but knowing theyd never want/ask you to.
BlackLovecraft (4:43:57 PM): i dont have a definition yet, i havent been in love there fore i have nothing to define, its rather depressing knowing this and with this way of thinking my mind starts wondering whether or not i will ever have a definition
BlackLovecraft (4:44:12 PM): perhaps i have been in love
BlackLovecraft (4:44:32 PM): thats an even worse thought having been in love and not known it
oh cliche (4:44:47 PM): youd know it
BlackLovecraft (4:44:51 PM): if thats true than love must not be good enough to catch my attention
BlackLovecraft (4:45:05 PM): i dont know
BlackLovecraft (4:45:15 PM): you can search for a lifetime and never find what your looking for
oh cliche (4:45:21 PM): i suppose
oh cliche (4:46:31 PM): god i hope my plan works
oh cliche (4:46:38 PM): even if i didnt get into state
oh cliche (4:46:45 PM): i just want the rest to happen
BlackLovecraft (4:47:07 PM): what did you want for your life 2 years ago
oh cliche (4:47:32 PM): all i wanted two years ago was to get into state
oh cliche (4:47:52 PM): i never thought about the future until i met ****
BlackLovecraft (4:48:10 PM): does that scare you
oh cliche (4:48:33 PM): the only thing that scares me is the fact that i dont have any control over whether or not it happens
BlackLovecraft (4:48:52 PM): yeah
oh cliche (4:48:58 PM): think about it
BlackLovecraft (4:49:02 PM): lack of control does that to people
BlackLovecraft (4:49:11 PM): fear feeds on people
oh cliche (4:49:12 PM): that would probably be the biggest let down ive ever experience
oh cliche (4:49:13 PM): s
oh cliche (4:49:16 PM): experienced*
BlackLovecraft (4:49:32 PM): there is nothing to fear but fear its self
oh cliche (4:49:39 PM): FDR
BlackLovecraft (4:49:57 PM): which is funny because even if you understand that you still cant conceive its meaning enough to follow it
oh cliche (4:50:05 PM): yeah i know
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| Mailers cool |
[07 Oct 2004|01:02am] |
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music |
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Radiohead-Life in a glass house |
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One’s condition on marijuana is always existential. One can feel the importance of each moment and how it is changing one. One feels one’s being, one becomes aware of the enormous apparatus of nothingness—the hum of a hi-fi set, the emptiness of a pointless interruption, one becomes aware of the war between each of us, how the nothingness in each of us seeks to attack the being of others, how our being in turn is attacked by the nothingness in others.
- - Norman Mailer - in Writers at Work
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| Floyd day bitches |
[03 Oct 2004|12:43pm] |
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music |
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Pink Floyd-San Tropez |
] |
You are Meddle - laid-back, free-form, one of the
most incredible albums to date: too bad it
didn't sell big when it came out.
Which Pink Floyd album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thats right im my favorite album Meddle, who are you? Id take Meddle over any floyd album except maybe wish you were here. If you dont know who Roger is in this quiz you should not be taking this quiz and you should be shot.
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| Black Hair and Blue Polly |
[29 Sep 2004|07:09pm] |
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mood |
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I fucking love this week |
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music |
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YES-And You and I |
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Jesus Christ what a strange week so far. Im rather pathetic, to pass my time at school i wink at all sorts of girls and tell there friends to pass along to them that i think there cute and such. One of these days its going to get me in trouble. There was this one girl about a week ago that my best friend Michelle told me about, but i had no idea who she was or what she looked like, well anyway she said i should talk to her cause she thinks id like her well not taking michelles advice i just never tryed communicating. Now fast forward to monday i saw this girl and she was the same height as me and had beautiful raven black hair(which by the way turns me on)and seemed like she wanted to be her not punk or goth or shitty.So i dont think i have a crush on her but she seems like she'd be quite the person to talk to. Anyway her friend is in my lunch (world famous Lick it Rub it, she had a crush on Adam like everyone else in the world) and i told her friend to tell her how much i was obsessed with her and stuff (its my way of getting a girl interested in me sort of intrigues them or at least i like to think so). Well then i passed by her and winked (i wink too much). Well then tuesday i just kept it going with it, her friend told me she was asking about me so that made me want to screw around even more. Wednesday, today, i told her friend to tell her that i was going to kiss her then randomly she(the girl with black hair that ive been talking about for a while) comes up and gives me a hug. Now im really into it. Some may say thats mean and that im just playing with her emotions(heard that one personally) but im not, i have the best intentions and i havent talked with her so who knows i may like her.And her hair really turns me on. Tomorrow im going to give her my number and 5 bucks says she calls me, does that seal it to how pathetic i am. Ow and also that girl michelle was talking about that i should talk to is the girl with Black Hair so what a coincidence that we ended up thinking of the same girl. Also this week we have been making tshirts ive already made a Conrad Veidt tshirt and now im making a pink floyd hoody and tshirt, the hoodies for justin. So ive had to deal with Blue Polly all week, and Figis a nazi when it comes to blue poly and lazer prints. This week has been all about kisses too its crazy. One of my best friends (not naming names) and i were talking about kissing and i told her that i was going to kiss her and instead of the answer i expected(NO!) she said ok. WEll then it got built up real big and such but her boyfriend said hed be mad if she kissed me so that sort of stopped me from kissing her, if she had no boyfriend id kiss her in a minute and it would be the greatest kiss the world had ever known. So also my friend thats in a bunch of my classes that i always joke about kissing and her owing me kisses, kissed me just randomly it was madness cause she has a boyfriend. Its a bitch that all the girls that want to kiss me or im interested in have boyfriends. And then another best friend(still not naming names) who has only kissed one guy in her life and told me it was really bad was kind of bummed about it so i said id kiss her but its a secret and will remain a mystery. She told me that he only kisses to get to other things(yeah those other things) but that she hates all of that. So i feel that a kiss is the greatest part of dating. I decided that a kiss is a very delicate thing that can not be taken lightly. ITs all about the atmosphere, the lead up to the kiss the actual kiss can be horrible but if you have the other elements thats what makes a spectacular kiss one that really sticks with you. THis week has been pretty good so far, ive listened to a lot of YES and played guitar more than usual. I have read the poem For Annie about 30 times since monday. I also have read The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde its a very funny and witty play. I love this week. Today i stayed after and watched Chelsea develope it was fun, i love Chelsea, a lot of people were in the dark room it was fun. Then we did what we used to do everyday last year and thats walk in circles around the school and talk. Chelsea great because shes unique in that i always mess around and make fun of people including her but she will pretend that shes pissed at me for doing it then make fun of me for falling for it, its great. Most people i cant joke with because i just piss then off. It takes a really strange breed of people to get my humour or even deal with it. I am staying after friday to make a new tshirt for a friend in Figis while Chelsea developes more. I cant wait i need to find something exciting to do this weekend. Michelle is coming over tomorrow and i love michelle so it will be a wonderful time. I need to find another interesting silent film for us to watch. We have already watched Cabinet of Dr.Caligari and Waxworks so i need another one, she loves Conrad like I so i need to buy more of his films. Maybe we will watch Nosferatu, I would say watch Metropolis but we both want to read the book first. ANy way i love this week and hope it just gets better. Thank you to everyone that has made it so good. "My eyes convinced, eclipsed with the younger moon attained with love." yep i need to remember that one.
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| What a day, God Damn what a day! |
[23 Sep 2004|11:30pm] |
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music |
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Pink Floyd-Welcome to the Machine |
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WEll today was quite the Day. So i went to school it sucks like normal and then i hear in third hour that Justin got called down and that he was gonna be in deep shit. Well by 4th hour the vice princeple asks me about Miller another friend and says hes in deep shit and that he walked out of school so well yeah the Dumb ass princeple Benke was talking about Justin not Miller and just was too dumb to know what kid he was fucking with. So i get to lunch and Justins not there. So me and Keith tryed to figure out where he was. So i had to go alone and look for him because dumb ass teachers wouldnt let us both go,i mean we lied to them but still. So after lunch Keith and I find out about miller not being in trouble and Keith goes to the office and i go in after him and the other vice princeple tells keith not to worry about justin that he shouldnt care that hes gone but to be mad that he left what a black bitch. So by the end of the day im worried along with all of Justins friends and his aquantences. I go home with Michelle MA BElle (my beautiful)and we look in my woods because there is always a chance that he went there. Me and michelle had fun but we were both worried about Justin. Yeah today made me feel so many things. Justin hasnt been discovered yet but i know he will show up tomorrow or saturday, hes at a friends house. Yeah Justin is one of my best friends and yeah i really realized how shitty it is with out him. I feel like shit until lunch because hes in my lunch and my 5th hour its Hilarious and cheers me up. Yeah i played that song he made up that he tabbed out for me and i got addicted to the bridge part because its catchy. I cant wait till things get backt o normal and we can be friends like it was yesterday. Justin Budday all i want to do is lay my hands upon your fuckin sexy ass and squeeze. Cause we likes to cream jeans. Justin i want to tell you that in the woods yeah im going to erect something for you and me something like a jizz jar or a muffin or something.
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